Where Did You Go Self Conscious?

Recently opened up to my friends 12 months ago about my sexuality.  It was an amazing experience as all of them were accepting. Now if people were like that in real life then everything would be magical.  I've recently experienced another crush for a person while still kind of in love with my first girlfriend.  They're dorky, nerdy and make me smile a lot or at least they did until she moved to Iowa.  She  made a date for us in her home which was my actual first date and last date. I've felt really strong feelings and I'm confused. Life as someone who is gay and has parents that are maybe not that accepting is hard. I've denied my sexuality for over 5-6 years of my life,  faking that I was bisexual because "most girls who say they are" Aren't it was popular to do that now and then. I've accepted myself and I'm willing to be in a relationship without giving a crap about everyone else's opinion on me. I tried going to my exe's house because she's paranoid that the reason I don't talk to her is because she's with someone else and hurt me. When she just wants to be friends again, I don't. Why? because I have feelings and I'm willing to give my happiness away for her to be happy. I just don't think we can be friends because I have feelings for her still and it's possible I could get hurt more. It's a solem contradiction I live in. I've been wanting to come out to my parents but I haven't had the courage to do it because images of not being accepted keep popping in my head. It's not necessarily the life I asked for but I was born this way and I have to get used to the hate and the people who won't accept me for being into women. I'm only 17 and really have issues with this. I don't think I'll be able to break lose of who I am before the age of 20. My mother keeps asking me awkward question and I'm sure she'll find out one way or another about me.